Some days are hard and some are easier. A great strategy to a good day is to think big picture, we live in a nice house, have a nice family, have nice friends, do nice things so life must be nice.
Having too much time to think or a trigger word and the glossy big picture narrows to reveal the sharp details of loss. The loss of Lizzie’s life, our daughter and a sister, the loss of our life, the strain on our whole family and heaviness and sadness creeps in. It’s not obvious to think of a stroke as a loss but when the person is not the same person it is a death. It’s a loss when the hope of Lizzie returning to herself died on December 26th. It is a loss that continues to give.
Montreal can be a trigger word for me. The life Lizzie had there as a college student, independent, following her independent music scene, shopping the thrift shops, hanging out with friends and oh yes, college at McGill. All the signs of a nice life. Visiting Lizzie in Montreal was always a highlight. In the short one and a half years she was there I couldn’t help but be attracted to the culture. French gone fun!
So, it was today that Montreal came up twice, first in a song called Montreal by the Bahamas and secondly when Bill mentioned someone who was from Montreal. There is only one thing to do when that happens, put your sunglasses on, let the tears blur the details and think big picture.
Beautifully written Sara. You are the best parents ever and never stop giving. We are always here for you… always. Xoxo
“Trigger words”, I understand the remenenece, as I experience it on Kentucky derby day. Yesterday, I thought of your Aunt Bernita, my sister, we picked the horse wee thought would win. We had no particular talent, or knowledge of a winner, never the less we staunchly defended our picks, with phrases like, “pointed ears, shiny coat, a ribbon on the tail ,”. After a number of years, it is a trigger, but not of tears, but of joy at the fun we shared on Kentucky Derby Day. Now my nephews have pick up the game. Many thanks , memories and love, Betty mousel
I’m not sure how I missed this entry but this pulls at my heartstrings. Perfectly stated. I’ve put those sunglasses on many times as well. Much love to you.